


Afloat

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, M/M, Medication, Talk of Suicidal Thoughts, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:13:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1896903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine confesses his depression to Kurt</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt by anonymous: Blaine’s depression becomes worse and kurt has no idea what to do to help him. one day in glee club, out of no where blaine starts sobbing and kurt takes him to the bathroom and blaine tells kurt that he wants to kill himself.
> 
> Prompt by anonymous: Blaine tells Kurt he thinks he has depression.

Kurt liked to think that he knew Blaine better than almost everyone. 

 

So, he noticed when Blaine started changing. 

First, he started dropping weight and Kurt noticed him not eating as much during lunch or on their dates. He was tired all the time and was easily distracted. Kurt started getting worried when Blaine had trouble getting interested in their “personal” time and lay awake all night long when they slept over at each other’s houses. 

The thing that worried him the most was how Blaine’s smile started getting strained and his eyes becoming red rimmed. 

It was a normal day in Glee. Rachel and Santana were arguing about something (Kurt had zoned out and started playing on his phone fifteen minutes ago) when Kurt heard a shaky breath next to him. He glanced over to see his boyfriend staring intently at his lap, tears running down his cheeks. 

 

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, not wanting to bring other’s attention to him. 

Blaine shook his head and his shoulders started shaking. 

 

"Come on," He took Blaine’s hand and pulled him out of the room, the rest of the club distracted now that Santana had started screaming in Spanish. 

"I’m okay," Blaine said shakily, scrubbing at his face as they walked into a nearby bathroom and locked the door. 

"You’re okay? That’s why you started crying in the middle of glee?" Kurt rubbed Blaine’s arms and felt the younger boy instantly relax. "Please tell me what’s wrong."

"I don’t know," He whispered. 

"Come on, you can tell me," Kurt gave him a warm smile. 

"I mean…I don’t know why I feel this way," Blaine let out a sob and hugged himself tightly. "It’s just…it’s like I’m on a sinking ship, like I’m being pulled down constantly but if I try to swim I’ll drown anyway."

"I don’t understand."

"I don’t either," Blaine shook his head miserably. "But, I can’t figure out why the ship is sinking. It’s not like I hit anything or…"

"So in this scenario are you on the ship or are you the ship?" Blaine took a few steps back, hugging himself even tighter. 

 

"I knew you wouldn’t understand."

"Sweetheart no," Kurt walked forward again and touched his arm. "I’m just trying to understand."

"I think I’m depressed," Blaine’s chin quivered. "I really think I’m depressed."

"Why?" Kurt felt his chest clench. "Can I help?"

"That’s the worst part! Everything in my life is perfect, my parents are being amazing, you’re amazing, school’s going well…I don’t understand why I feel this way," He sobbed harshly. "I don’t understand what’s happening but I feel like I’m drowning."

"Okay," Kurt pulled him in for a tight hug. "It’s okay."

"And I wonder if I want to keep struggling for breath," Blaine whimpered, twisting the fabric of Kurt’s shirt into his fingers. "…I don’t think I do."

"Oh Blaine," Kurt gasped, holding him tighter. "It’s alright. I’m here."

"I know you are," Blaine was trembling. "I just don’t know if that’s enough."

"Tell me how to help you," Kurt felt tears fill his eyes. "Please Blaine, let me help you."

"I don’t know how to make this better. I’ve looked it up online and nothing works," Blaine sobbed. "I don’t know how to be better, I’ve forgotten how it feels to be normal."

"We’ll get through this," Kurt kissed his temple. "I’ll help you make an appointment with a therapist and I’ll be there any time you need me."

Blaine nodded against his neck, still shaking. 

"And if you need a life raft, I am here to help you stay afloat," Kurt pressed their foreheads together. "Let me help you swim."


	2. Floating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt by anonymous: Sequel to afloat? :)
> 
> Prompt by anonymous: Hello! I loved afloat! Could you write a sequel to it and maybe Blaine didn’t get the help he needed and takes Kurt on one last date because he’s planning on killing himself that night but Kurt is suspicious because of his behavior so he follows him after the date and they end up on a bridge. It’s up to you about what happens after.

He hated these little pills. Blaine took them regularly, desperate to stave off the hopeless feeling. It didn’t get rid of the feelings completely but the black cloud only shrank, it didn’t disappear. Kurt was so proud of him, praising him for going to get help, and Blaine was glad but didn’t feel better.

 

He felt empty.

 

Like something was missing in his chest. Every time he took a pill, it was like something else was being pulled out of him and Blaine despised it. He hated that it made him feel like his heart was missing. 

 

He remembered how horrible he felt before the medication. It was like he was drowning constantly. Now, he felt like he was on a raft in the middle of the ocean. Like he was trapped on a raft, floating out in the middle of the ocean. He knew that any moment, the raft would tip. He wasn’t going towards land, he was just waiting for his raft to sink.

 

One night, Blaine woke up gasping from a nightmare. He was drenched in sweat and trembling. It was a common dream, one where he was falling and falling. His stomach still swooped with the feeling of tumbling from a great hight and he was…okay. Better than okay. Blaine felt his heart leap in his chest as things seemed to click. 

 

Why wait for the raft to sink? Why endure that falling feeling? He could end this now. 

 

Almost giddy, Blaine began to plan. He couldn’t live with the way he felt before the medication. He couldn’t live with the way he felt on the medication. It was fate. 

 

On the day he decided on, he asked Kurt on a date to the nicest restaurant in the area. He dressed himself in an outfit he knew Kurt loved, black jeans and a red button shirt with a yellow cardigan, and he wrote letters to his parents and brother.

 

"Hey you," Kurt grinned and gave him a kiss as he picked him up. "You don’t know how excited I am to go out tonight!"

 

The date was perfect. The food was wonderful and they shared dessert between them. Blaine didn’t want the date to end but felt assured that it was the right choice.

 

"Kurt?" He said softly. 

 

"Yeah?" Kurt glanced over at him. They had been sitting in Kurt’s driveway, holding hands over the central console and listening to music. 

 

"I just wanted to say that I love you," He smiled. "I love you so much."

 

"I love you too," Kurt looked confused but grinned. 

 

"I’ll miss you," He said softly, and kept his eyes locked on Kurt’s.

 

"I’ll see you tomorrow," Kurt leaned over and kissed him, smiling as Blaine pulled him in for a deeper kiss. Blaine placed his hand on the back of Kurt’s neck and whimpered into the kiss. "What’s gotten into you?"

 

"I just love you."

 

"I love you too," Kurt kissed him again. "But I have to go."

 

"Alright," Blaine looked sad. "Goodbye Kurt."

 

Kurt’s smile dropped a little as he leaned in through the window.

 

"Are you alright?"

 

"Never better," Blaine gave him a smile and reached over to squeeze his hand. "Goodbye."

 

Kurt stood in the driveway as Blaine drove off, fear eating at his stomach. They had agreed a long time ago to never say goodbye. It started off as a goofy, cheesy thing but it turned into something serious. He had never heard Blaine sound that way before. 

 

Maybe he was being a little panicky but Kurt climbed into his car and followed the taillights of his boyfriend’s. He was being crazy, Blaine was just going to go home and…

 

Why was he making that turn?

 

Kurt frowned as Blaine continued down a empty street and pulled over near a bridge. Quickly, Kurt pulled over a bit farther down and turned off his lights. He watched, confused, as Blaine walked out of the car and leaned against the bridge.

 

He scrambled out of the car when Blaine climbed over the edge to stand on the railing.

 

"Stop!" He shouted, making Blaine whip his head around and slip a little. Kurt managed to get to him in time to grab his wrist. "Blaine please!"

 

"Let go!"

 

"No!" Kurt pulled hard as Blaine tried to push off the bridge. 

 

"Kurt, let go of me," Tears filled Blaine’s eyes. "I want to."

 

Gritting his teeth, Kurt pulled as hard as he could and managed to pull him over the edge. Blaine fell on top of him and they tumbled onto the floor. Kurt sobbed and held onto his boyfriend tight.

 

"You should have let me fall," Blaine sobbed. 

 

"Never."

 

They lay on the concrete for almost an hour before Blaine calmed down. Kurt gently rubbed his back and rocked him back and forth as he clutched at Kurt desperately. 

 

"Nothing works," He whimpered.

 

"We’ll find something else. There will be another medication, another type of therapy," Kurt whispered, kissing his temple. "This will work. You will be okay."

 

"I don’t think I will be."

 

"I do," Kurt said. "Because you’re strong and you’re meant to be so much more."

 

Blaine nodded weakly. Kurt pulled him to his shaky feet and he swayed for a moment before he was led to the car. As soon as they climbed into Kurt’s car he noticed that Blaine’s mother had called fifteen times. 

 

"You’re mom called."

 

"She must have found the note," Blaine whispered, looking away from the stricken look on his boyfriend’s face.

 

They would get through this together. They always did. 


	3. Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt by anonymous: Oh my goodness!!!!! Floating was probably your best sequlel to any of you fics! Maybe you could write a third one so we can see Blaine’s parents reactions? Please and thank you! Xoxo

"Honey?" Lisa lightly tossed her purse on the entry way table, scanning over the latest email on her blackberry. "Blaine?"

The sound of a car pulling up behind her made her turn around and smile at her husband. Andrew gave her a quick kiss at the door and shut it behind them. With a sigh, he loosened his tie and dropped his briefcase next to her purse. 

"I so don’t feel like cooking," He groaned, stretching a little. "Does Chinese food sound okay?" 

"It sounds perfect," Lisa reached up to loosen her bun. "I’ll go and see what Blaine wants."

She took off her heels as she made her way to the stairs and started climbing, wincing as her ankles popped. It had been an absolutely unbearable day at the office, she had to fire three people from their firm and all Lisa wanted to do was down a glass of wine and curl up in a pair of sweatpants.

"Blaine?" She called out as she walked down the hall. "Honey, we’re ordering Chinese. What do you want?"

Lisa frowned when he didn’t answer. 

"Blaine? Are you ignoring me?" Pushing open the door, Lisa was surprised that her son wasn’t on his bed with his earphones in. "Blaine?"

He wasn’t in his room at all.

Confused, Lisa turned around and a small piece of paper caught her eye. 

Mom + Dad

She frowned and picked it up, opening it up and sitting on his bed to read it.

Mom and Dad,

Please don’t be mad. I just want to let you know that I love you both so much, and this was not your fault. I feel like my life is falling apart and I am in so much pain. I can’t keep feeling like this for much longer. I’m going to Gibson’s Bridge. Please know I am so, so sorry but by the time you read this I won’t be in any more pain.

Tell Cooper I love him.

Please forgive me.

Your son,

Blaine

Lisa didn’t realize she was screaming until Andrew came crashing into the room.

"Call him, call him please!" She sobbed as Andrew quickly skimmed the note.

Her husband frantically dialed over and over, tears running down his own face when it kept going to voicemail. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the car, Lisa stumbling behind him as she sobbed.

"I’ll drive, you keep calling," Andrew climbed into the driver’s seat and started towards Gibson Bridge.

One the second ring, the call was answered. 

"Mrs. Anderson?" Kurt answered, sounding a little breathless. "I’m here with Blaine. He’s okay."

"Thank God," She let out a sob, reaching over to grab onto her husband’s arm. "He’s okay. He’s okay."

"We’re sitting in his car which is parked near the bridge," Kurt’s voice was trembling.

"We’re less than five minutes away," She wiped her eyes, smearing her makeup across her face. "Drive faster Andrew."

They arrived to the bridge in three minutes. Blaine’s car was parked off the road, hidden among some trees but as soon as they pulled up he stepped out. His face was wet with tears and he was deathly pale, breaking down into tears again as soon as he saw his parents.

"Oh my God," Lisa gasped and instantly wrapped her arms around him, gripping his hair in one hand and the other scrambled across his back. "Blaine, my sweet baby boy."

Andrew let out a soft sob and wrapped his arms around both his wife and son. For several long moments they just held each other, crying.

"I thought you were gone," She whispered, leaning back to kiss his forehead. "You scared me half to death!"

"I am so sorry," Blaine sobbed out as his father wiped his eyes. 

"And Kurt," Lisa pulled him in to a tight hug. "Thank you."

Kurt gave her a watery smile and nodded at Andrew who wrapped his arms around him as well. Blaine was swaying slightly, overwhelmed by the day. 

"We’ll get you help baby, okay?" Lisa took his face in her hands.

Blaine nodded quickly, eyes flickering over to Kurt’s. With a reassuring smile from his boyfriend, Blaine finally let himself believe that this could eventually be okay.


	4. Swim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt by anonymous: Gosh, I loved Afloat, floating and Away! Could you maybe write another one? Something about Glee-club? They all treat him abit badly because he’s been missing glee club a few times (going to the therapist?) Finally Blaine brakes down and leaves and Kurt is furious and yells at them. Then maybe he tells them the truth? :) LOVE YOUR WRITING BTW!

Practice makes perfect. So obviously, more practice equaled perfection. 

 

Artie brought forth the idea for extra practices the month leading up to the competition and everyone enthusiastically agreed. The goal of Nationals burned in every members mind and they were desperate to reach that goal. When Blaine started missing practices, it did not go unnoticed. 

 

Artie was pissed. Blaine had just walked into practice, not looking at all apologetic for missing two times last week and one this week already. He could hear Tina let out an annoyed sigh beside him and glanced over. They had ranted to each other the day before about the lack of commitment from some of their team members. 

 

He glared at the member in question as they started their choreography practice. It was obvious that the missed practices were taking their toll as Blaine lagged slightly in the moves. When he bumped into Brittany, Artie was done.

 

"Hold up!" He jerked his chair around, glaring at a surprised Blaine. "Are you ready to stop slacking or do we need to slow this down?"

 

"I…I…" Blaine stuttered, eyes wide. 

 

"You have missed four practices in total. Four. Your falling behind in the steps and are shaky on vocals at best," Blaine looked at the ground, clenching his hands into fists.

 

"Yeah!" Puck frowned. "If I can’t nap, you can’t skip."

 

Kurt face was dark with rage as he took a step forward to place his hand on Blaine’s arm. The younger boy shook his head, eyes filled with tears before grabbing his things and slipping past everyone to the door. 

 

"Maybe now we’ll get some real work done," Santana placed her hands on her hips. 

 

"Seriously?" Kurt hissed, looking so angry that everyone instantly went silent. "Seriously? You have no idea what he has been through."

 

"Like what?" Sam asked softly, concerned. 

 

"He…he’s been having some problems," Kurt sucked in a quick breath and looked up at the ceiling. "He tried to jump off a bridge a few weeks ago, he tried to kill himself. He’s been going to therapy ever since and sometimes he has to go to a session during Glee. I think we can all agree that we’d rather him miss a few practices than be dead."

 

"We didn’t know," Tina whispered after a long silence. "Kurt I’m…"

 

"Save it. I need to go see if my boyfriend is alright, since no one else seems to care when one of our own is hurting," Kurt shoved past Mike and hurried out of the room, desperate to find Blaine.

 

He finally found him on the stage in the auditorium, sitting on the side with his legs dangling over. Although the drop was only a few feet it still made Kurt feel like he couldn’t breathe. He sat next to Blaine who continued staring out at the empty chairs. 

 

"They all know now," He breathed.

 

"You know they talk before they think," Kurt sighed. "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything."

 

"It’s fine," Blaine smiled wanly. "I wouldn’t have been able to say anything. Luckily, I have my boyfriend here to help me when I don’t feel too strong."

 

"Do you want to go back in?" Kurt asked softly, pressed their foreheads together and looping an arm around his neck. "We can totally skip."

 

"No," Blaine sighed. "I can’t keep skipping. Just give me a minute and I’ll be okay to go."

 

"I am so proud of you," Kurt felt his heart swell at the small smile on Blaine’s face. To see how much improvement Blaine had made after started therapy almost always brought tears to his eyes. He had almost lost Blaine a few weeks ago and now he was finally getting closer to being okay. It was a small step, but it was amazing. 

 

With a heavy sigh, Blaine pushed himself to his feet and swept his hands over his pants a few times. Kurt stood next to him and took his hand, swinging their hands between them as they walked back to the classroom. After a short moment of hesitation, Blaine took a deep breath and walked into the room. 

 

The rest of the club didn’t instantly swarm him with invasive questions and apologies. They didn’t burst into song, which he kind of expected from Rachel. There wasn’t really any reminder of the fight besides some small smiles. 

 

"Can we just start where we left off?" He asked with a half smile.

 

They all quickly got into position and Blaine closed his eyes, trying to think through all of dance moves he had to do for this song. Before the music could start, Blaine felt arms quickly wrap around his chest and pull him back for a tight hug. 

 

"I’m glad you’re here," Sam said softly, squeezing him slightly before letting go. 

 

Blaine opened his eyes and smiled. He was beginning to be glad that he was here too. 


End file.
